


Signed, A Broken Heart

by Ernst Robel (Enjolrataire)



Category: Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater
Genre: Gen, Love Letters, Unrequited Love, but not really?, kinda sorta basically, lots of icky feelings, poor Moritz.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-02
Updated: 2015-03-02
Packaged: 2018-03-15 23:00:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3465236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enjolrataire/pseuds/Ernst%20Robel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Moritz feels something, anything really, it's in the most extreme degree. This isn't a good thing for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Signed, A Broken Heart

When Moritz falls in love, he falls hard. And when love starts to hurt, he feels it harder than anything. Wish as he might, love wasn’t about to stop butting it’s ugly head in his life and wrapping itself around him, strangling his heart to death. But, he figured, he could write a letter. One he would never send, admittedly, but maybe writing out his feelings would help. So down he sat, pen in hand, tissues by his side, preparing to write out every inch of hurt kept inside of him.

 

_I hate you. Or at least I want to. I wish I could, because hating you would make things a lot easier. You don’t feel the way I do, or at least not towards me. And if I could stop my heart from beating for you, I would, because it’s constantly beating harder and harder and I can feel it weighing my chest down and sometimes it feels like it’s swelling and restricting my lungs. At least that’s what I picture with the sharp pain in my chest I get when I think about us, essentially. More you than me, and more my effort than your… tolerance._

_I think you loved me at one time, or at least loved who you thought I was or who you wanted me to be. And you say you love me still, or rather, “I love you too” when I say it to you, but do you? Because it doesn’t feel like it. And I don’t mean for this to sound so over the top, but it takes a toll on someone when the person that owns their entire heart squeezes it for their entertainment. When you’re with them and you’re giving them your world and you know they’re thinking about someone that isn’t you._

_I’d like to be him. The one you’re in love with. Because then I could love you back and we could both be happy (I hope) and I could stop hurting so damn much and maybe you’d be happy and feel in love like I do. I should be thankful for the attention you give me. I should be. But it’s hard to be when you compare it to the times I’ve been ignored or the times you’ve left me alone. I know I should be taking your feelings into consideration, too, but it seems that’s all I’ve been doing lately with no return._

_Love is supposed to be a team effort. You’re supposed feel the same way. It’s supposed to be equal. Not like what we have. Not constantly feeling inadequate and comparing yourself to the one your partner loves more than they love you. It makes me feel so controlling but I just want to be loved back, dammit. I don’t think that’s too much to ask for, is it? I don’t want to be the one who’s just there when you need something. I want to be trusted and cared for and at least feel like I’m loved. And it’s obvious that you and I feel different, and I wish I could let you go so you could go be with someone who loved you just as much as you love them, but even the thought of losing you hurts so badly and I’m too afraid to let go._

_Can you give me my heart back? That’s a dumb thing to say, but I want this to be easy. I want to tell myself I’m over it and actually be over it. I don’t want this heavy feeling to crush my chest for the rest of my life. You’re the only thing in this world I believe in. But I know that’s not good enough for you. I’m sorry I can’t be good enough for you. You deserve someone so much better than me. I hope you find someone, I do. I just want you to be happy, even if happiness is far, far away from me. Because what used to be a dream for me is quickly becoming a nightmare.  
I’m never going to send this, and so you’re never going to read it (or so I hope), but if you do, I’m just sorry. I’m really sorry for everything. Please don’t be angry with me, I just feel so trapped. But I still love you. I’m actually afraid that I won’t ever stop._

_Love always (or not I guess),_

_Moritz Stiefel_

 

Moritz leaned back in his chair, wiping tears away and grabbing a tissue to wipe his eyes. Getting out his feelings, no matter how scrawled and illegible, felt like a small weight was lifted off his chest. He wasn’t heaving now, just gently crying, a tear falling here and there and making a stain in the paper. He folded it over a few times before holding it close to him and kissing it gently. He hated love, he decided, but this would stay in the back of his mind, never stated out loud. He would be questioned for that and would surely break down. He stuffed the letter in his desk drawer and flopped down on his bed. Night had fallen, and tomorrow would bring a whole new round of feelings he didn’t want to deal with, but sleep was a temporary release, so off he went, drifting off as soon as he cuddled into his pillow.


End file.
